Thoughts on grief

I struggle to put my thoughts into words or on paper, but I do find it helps to sort them out when I take the time to do it.  Thinking about grief is no different. I wrote this blog post and did not properly save it, so lost it. I debated just leaving it and not recreating it but decided my mixed-up thoughts could be an encouragement to someone else.

Processing grief

It’s been just over a year since my Mom entered glory. In a few days it will be a year since we had her celebration of Life. While it gives me joy that her race here is over, I didn’t expect it. Grief is a confusing thing at times. I tell myself it’s ok to let it overcome me.  I know it is ok but it doesn’t feel ok most of the time.

People have written about grief, the stages of grief, 12 steps of grief, etc. In my opinion, it looks different for everyone. It hits you when you least expect it.

• Hearing a song that was sung at the funeral come over the radio.
• Working on a project a question pops up that I know she could answer then realizing just as quickly she’s not here to ask.
• Visiting Dad and she’s not there.
• Family reunion and her chair is empty

Finishing the Race

Now it would seem that Dad is nearing the end of his race too. There is a lot of finality in that thought and I can’t say I’m ready for it. Yet how can I wish him to stay? He’s ready to go and has been wanting to go since Mom is gone. His physical body is wearing out.

When I saw him last week, I played my last game of checkers with him.  I won. I never thought I would be sad to win but that did me in.  I don’t know exactly how long he has; I don’t know if I will see him again. I do believe in life after death! I believe in heaven, he is ready to go, and I will see both him and Mom again in eternity!

Dealing With Grief going Forward

Meanwhile I will grieve at times and be ok with that. If I need professional help to process my grief, I will seek that. I will keep practicing grieving well by not stuffing what I am feeling. I will hang on to all the good memories we have and remember the lessons I learned from them. Someday I will see them again!